Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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