All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
