he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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