her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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