i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
