I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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