I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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