My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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