If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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