when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
