why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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