I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
