new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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