I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
