at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
