She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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