I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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