What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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