im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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