oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
