I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
