..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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