I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
