you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
