I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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