my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
