You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
