I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
