What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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