omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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