Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
