i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
