Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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