I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
