Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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