Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
