I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
