Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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