At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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