I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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