Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
