I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
