Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
