Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
