I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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