We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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