3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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