I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
