Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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