Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
