grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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