i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
