I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
