Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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