i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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